Project: Rescue

Project: Rescue

While I do my best to aid in finding our missing heroes I realise that there is another rescue mission that needs to be undertaken and I need your help.

The heroes of Project Omega are fortunate in times like this that their civilian identities are known by many, the friends, family and pets that are left behind should be getting the care they need. However that is not guaranteed, Omega members may have pets they are keeping hidden from their landlords.. so this is a plea for help.. A lot of Alpha are far more guarded about their identities meaning that they may have left behind dependants that are desperate for help right now.

If you know the identity of one or more heroes that were at Ashmount Correctional Facility this past weekend please do all you can to look into their lives. Not only are families missing their loved ones but they may have responsibilities that need upholding.

I'm not asking you to do this alone. If you are worried that reporting a friend in Alpha missing will uncover their 'secret identity' and upset them then please get in touch with me, I will do all I can to help you.. We need to make sure that the people and things they care about are kept safe and well until their return.

You are a part of Project: Rescue. Be their hero.

Loss for Words

It's strange. I am at a loss for words, but at the same time have so many things on my mind. I'm not going to write about Ashmount just yet.. I can't but I need to talk of those I've lost for good.


Several heroes died this last weekend, and while I have no time to mourn I don't want to disrespect them either by not recognising the sacrifices they made. I didn't get along with all of those who lost their lives but that didn't mean that I wanted to see them dead.. for whatever reason they all chose to be heroes and I respected that decision.


Paladin, the first death I heard of this weekend, the apprentice that I failed. I only knew him a short while but he got on bended knee before me and begged that I take him on as my apprentice. It was strange, especially as I will teach anyone, I wasn't used to something so grand. I especially wasn't used to being a 'master' but he wanted a term of respect he could use for me. In the end we compromised on 'Sensei'.


He wanted to be a protector, to bring light and healing, to be a shield for those who needed it. He showed so much potential and I loved getting to know him.. and then the events in the Middleverse broke his heart. All he saw was upset and rage and I couldn't talk him down. I gave him time to grieve, but perhaps I gave him too much. I should have helped him more. He was a light ignited by rage and anguish and he burned out far too soon and I will miss him.


Rainmaker. This is, needless to say, a complicated one. How could I like Rainmaker? He killed my friend and mentor, her organs were nothing but shadow and getting her back was a harrowing experience. But I didn't want him to die. He had a dark past and clearly thought in ways that make me ill to think about.. but was a product of his past and need help. A lot of help. He should have been in prison, he should have been getting counselling, that he had the position he did within Omega just let him walk further down a dark path. He did awful things but he didn't deserve the end he got.


Shade. Where to start? This is another complicated one. in Venezula he was one of the only healers the Alpha GRU had and he almost killed himself keeping us all alive.. I ran through bulletfire and engineered monstrosities to get to him and heal him. He letter told me that he felt like he owed me his life, but I'd have done the same for anyone and he'd done so much for Alpha that weekend.


Then came the incident with Justice.. I walked beside Fist Girl as she held Hope's body. it felt like things couldn't get any worse when I saw Shade handing himself in to WASP, a dead body on the ground behind him. I couldn't process it at the time, I could barely see for the tears and nothing made sense. In the days that followed I came to respect him for handing himself in, he acted out of distress and grief and did the wrong thing but he stepped up and owned it and went to pay his price.


But then this last weekend he was freed, he died away from the prison he should have been in, where he should have been rehabilitating.. where he paid his debt and learned to control his emotions. It shouldn't have happened. He died a hero facing the broodmother in Canada.. but I can't help but feel that's not how his story should have ended.

Zolitaire, leader of my supergroup and someone I was starting to see as a friend. I really didn't trust her when we first met, when she wrestled the attention of an Astral away from three other mages and all in the name of gaining personal power. I spent a lot of my time in Venezuela wary of her.. but then we had to work together to save Lumina.


It's hard not to form a bond with someone when you go through something like that together and from that point onwards we worked well together. She was one of the few heroes I shared some of the details of my past with. We bonded over the struggles we had when we were younger and how similar, yet different, our familiars were.


My time with Zolitaire is like a TV show that got cancelled, one that seemed shaky at first only to get pretty good before being taken away. There was so much potential for the two of us working together that I will never see come to light.


Rael. I got an automated message from Rael today. He explained a lot about himself. A lot of it I already knew but had been waiting for him to open up to me.


I regret waiting.. but he'd kept me at arms distance and I think he felt he was doing that for my protection and I respected that.. and I'm not the sort to push myself into someone's life. I was just there for him when I felt I could be and after events in Switzerland I promised myself I'd get to know him better.


He leant me a device he'd made for that mission to save Hope. Something he was justifiably proud of and he entrusted it into my care. That simple act meant a lot to me and felt like the start of a bond I wished to explore.. I should have been more honest with him, but I didn't want to rush. It felt like we had all the time in the world to discuss our pasts and the nature of magic.


I've learned now how important it is to not let moments pass you by.


Poet. It is my final respect to him that I call him by the name I never called him by in life. He was always Invictus to me. I worried over his joining Alpha, that he perhaps had crimes he had yet to atone for, things he needed to work through that he was trying to leave behind. I didn't like the way the two factions acted around each other when discussing him when we should have been helping people..


Despite my issues he clearly wanted to help and nobody could deny that he did his best to enjoy his life. I often saw him laughing and joking.


He clearly wanted to be free and to lead.. he had potential despite my reservations and his life was cut short doing what heroes do, fighting to protect the innocent.


Banshee. I am so sorry I never got a chance to speak properly with her in person. The few twitter conversations we had were lovely. She was caring and we spoke to each other on ways to help others and her tweets often made me smile. She is another missed opportunity, another regret. It always feels as though there will be more time.. but time passes all too quickly. She will be missed, sorely and my heart is with Cerberus, wherever they are.


Wildfire. This one.. this one I may need to come back to. I loved and respected Wildfire, she was as impulsive and passionate as the fires she wielded and an amazing leader. She made me smile and I would follow her orders.. which says a lot, I do not follow blindly nor easily. I'm still yet to fully process that she's gone. It still feels like I'll see her at the next GRU mission making snarky quips about Omega or giving that shrug of hers at whatever the mages are up to..


..I'll come back to this..


Tarhal Silverarm. We did not see eye to eye, we are opposites in so many ways. He was a creature of war and I'm all about trying to heal and protect. he fought for what he believed in though. He was young and reckless and wanted to do his best to be respected by his people and by the heroes around him. While we didn't agree there were times I could respect him, especially when I saw the friends he made and how his attitude shifted over time.. I would have liked to have seen what he could have become.
Duty. He asked for my help and I couldn't be there.. we bonded over a shared grief, the loss of Hope who meant so much to us both. We planned to spend more time together when we had the chance.. and now it will never come to pass. Duty was a hero who fought through dark times and cared so much for his family. I only wish I could have gotten to spend more time with him. 


You are all gone now, but you are one with the Astral and you will be with me in every spell I cast.

Self Sacrifice

Life is such a delicate and precious thing, it's to be cherished. I have always known this but recent events have made me appreciate this all the more. Just over a week ago the world lost some of it's light. Heroes fell doing what we do; the right thing.

A year ago Alpha's GRU for Venezuela was a small group, we were far outnumbered by the Omega operatives that were there but we did what we could, we banded together. We were a dysfunctional little family out there to do good and hopefully save lives.


Last week two of that small group died and another was arrested. Three out of that group that initial group of sixteen or so people. It hit us all hard and we all dealt with it in different ways. Some of us are still trying to process it.


Marshall and I didn't always see eye to eye on his methods and there was a lot of speculation over him and whether he would use poisons prior to his death. But at the very end he was a hero. He was asked to kill a member of Omega who is working on a project that could make a distinct positive change in the world. He refused knowing that it would put a target on his head. He made a choice, the choice any hero would make. He put his life on the line to protect the innocent and safeguard a better future.


Newton was a staunch defender of those he cared about and kept us all safe, especially in the early days of the GRU. But by putting himself on the front line he knew the risks he took, he was often badly injured but he kept stepping up to the front lines, to keep us safe.


Self Sacrifice. It is a common trait in heroes, those of us that do this to do the right thing, that see this as more than a just a job. We know we put ourselves at risk and that if the time came we may be called upon to make a hard decision with no warning.


I would have given up my life for Hope's if they opportunity had presented itself, she deserved a better future and that she got so many people from different ideological outlooks all working together to help her showed what an inspiring presence she was. The world needs more people like her. I would have done all I could for that extraordinary young woman.


Does this make me suicidal? Does it make all heroes at their core a little suicidal? I don't think so. Just because we accept that our lifestyle may end in injury or death doesn't mean we covet or even want it. Truthfully I do think of a future with a family one day.. though I have postponed that idea a lot given the nature of my work. If things go well then I will continue to protect people and live my own life to its fullest.. but even if my life is cut short I will be glad that it was while helping and protecting others so they could go on living and loving.


Hope and I were similar in a great many ways. In her final moments she chose to give up her life to save everyone from the potential catastrophe of her amazing powers. She was so strong and while she had her dreams for the future she was a hero through and through and she will always live on through us.


Every hero who falls lingers in the lives of those that loved them, fought alongside them and even in the lives they saved.


This is the choice we make, freely. Because the world needs heroes.

Hope

I had to start with Hope. This is going to be very hard for me, I'm not sure if this will be a singular blog post or the start of a few.. I'll be writing from the heart and doing little editing so we'll see how it goes I guess.


"I love your blog!"


These were the first words I heard Hope say when I met her in person at the launch of Project Genesis. She'd already expressed her admiration on twitter before the event and I was quick to greet her with a hug, she looked so nervous!


Not many people know this but I respond in some way to every piece of fan mail I receive personally, I always have. It's getting close to becoming a job in it's own right now and people tell me I should stop but I'll keep doing it as long as I can. I mention this because before 'Hope' was public knowledge there was one young woman I'd receive letters from who'd share with me her dreams for the future, her wish to be a hero like me who brought light into the world. She even told me how she'd love to meet me one day. Her letters genuinely touched me and made me want to be a better hero for people like her.


That young woman got to be everything she wanted to be, and so much more. Hope did her all to idealise the concept she'd been named after and touched a great many lives in a short amount of time. The world is a darker place without her, so many strong heroes have been sideblinded by grief and disbelief at the news of what happened in Switzerland.


But we can't give into that grief, she wouldn't want that. She'd understand our need to mourn, that some of us need time but she wouldn't want us to give up on what makes us heroes. What happened to her was so unfair in so many ways and I often find myself questioning why her.. I even told her in her final moments how scared members of my faction were that I would give up my life for hers and that it showed how well they know me, because in that moment, I would have.


But the magic failed to heal her, the timing of her condition, the inability to get her to a medical bay.. so many factors played against us and I know I'm not the only one letting blame weigh on their shoulders. But I keep putting on a smile. I keep on being the hero she told me she aspired to be.. and I will aspire to be the hero she was until the very end.

I will post again later on her final moments, it doesn't feel right putting that in this post, I think this message should stand on it's own x

What I thought was right

As I write this I'm unsure if I'll post it.


In my last blog post I spoke of my actions regarding Jessica Seneschal. Needless to say she is very annoyed at me for reporting her and increasingly more people are upset with me for being friendly with someone who worked on a mutant cure.


Maybe if I had been more flashy and open, maybe if I'd tackled the problem at hand rather than exposing its root I wouldn't feel as I do now.


I saw someone in pain trying to cure what they thought was the cause of their pain. Their mutation. I wanted to stop it, but surely just arresting her would stop it short term, but if she was determined she would keep thinking on it. I wanted to get her help, therapy, so she would stop it herself, maybe in time encourage other researchers of the error of their ways.


I did what I could.. What I thought was right at the time.


Being involved in such big things is new to me and I'm learning. I took a gamble to try to save and help someone in the hopes of a better long term outcome. Maybe I was wrong, I suppose only time will tell.

The Mutant 'Cure'

Today I found this on my twitter feed and I wanted to write an immediate reply, but 140 characters simply isn't enough to fully express my feelings on the situation.


I've often been criticised for who I talk to and who I choose to befriend. After I arrested Doc Shadow I kept in regular contact with him right up until his demise. Many asked why I was so involved in such a prolific villains life, why I was so cordial with him after all he had orchestrated? Even now I often have people ask me why I'm so close to people like Shady, and now this..


The answer is simple. I'm a hero to help people, all people. Our justice system exists not only to help the victims of crimes feel justice has been served but also to rehabilitate offenders. Some people steal out of desperation, or being misguided, some have roots that run deeper but when a criminal is arrested they don't just disappear, their problems don't just vanish, they (hopefully) begin a journey of healing and change.


Today I visited Jessica Seneschal, a bright woman with a lot to offer the world who has had her confidence in herself torn down by the world. Because of the persecution against mutants she feels as though she's an abomination and in her desperation sought to 'cure' herself of what she saw as an affliction that had darkened her life. It saddens me that when she looks in a mirror she sees that mark on her cheek and feels the need to cover it instead of appreciating all of her more positive attributes.


I first became aware of Jessica in Venezuela, I met her in the Coalition bar, she was scribbling feverishly at some notes and made mumbled comments on her 'affliction'. It pained me to see someone hate themselves so much, especially someone with so much talent that they'd been chosen to go on such a high profile international mission. I wanted to help.


I haven't admitted this publicly until today because I wanted to tell her first, to her face. I was one of the anonymous tips sent to the Mutant Rights Organisation. I am not a mutant myself, nor am I a therapist, I wanted Jessica to get the help of professionals who could understand her plight. I did not report her to drag her research into the light, I merely informed a reliable charitable organisation of an Omega mutant who needed help and support in the hopes they would extend a hand to her and help her see an alternative to her research.


Condemn me if you will for my part in her research becoming public knowledge, or for my visiting someone who would work on such subjects but I know in my heart that I did what I felt was right. I saw someone suffering and sought to get her help and support before things got worse.


Today I had coffee and biscuits with someone with a good sense of humour, a quick wit and a sensitive temperament. I met with Jessica the person, someone who should have more confidence in herself and will hopefully one day turn her brilliant mind to other worthwhile endeavours. I won't force her however, it's through healing, growth and the support of both professionals and friends that she'll find herself. And that is why I visited her.


And Jessica, I am sorry for commenting so publicly on something so personal to you, but I want you, and everyone to know exactly who I am and why I do what I do.

Why Shady?

Q: I have a question. Why Shady? You seem to be spending an awful lot of time with an outlaw.



A: I wasn't sure at first whether I would address this question. It's somewhat embarrassing to talk about a new friendship and defend it. But I have that 'ask me anything' box for a reason so I'll do my best to answer..


I consider myself blessed to have met a lot of interesting and wonderful people while in Venezuela, I count Shady among those people. I first interacted with him when I saw him sneaking a little rubber duck onto our mechanics' worktable. I admit I was suspicious at first, I picked it up, smiled at spotting the Alpha symbol on the ducky's chest and went to ask Shady about it.


The conversation was light, playful and warm. We addressed why he leaves ducks in his wake but also spoke as people and I started to get a measure of him. Most importantly he made me smile.


If you want to see light in the world then be that light. Bring it to others and they in turn will learn to light the darkness.


I try my best to be a beacon of light and hope to those that need it most. But those who gift light so freely sometimes feel themselves drained. If you're always cheering others up you sometimes find yourself taking away their sadness and onto yourself. Everyone needs to recharge sometimes and heroes are no exception.


When it comes to me I sometimes need silliness and fun, anything that help keep my smile in place so I can keep bringing it to those in need. Shady makes me smile, a lot. He's a friend I am glad I've made.


As for spending time with an outlaw - we all have friends who may have made poor decisions in the past. It's our role as good friends to help them, either by addressing those issues over time or if they are not severe setting them aside and looking forward to a better future.


I hope that's a good enough answer for you Nonny!

A New Dawn

A beautiful new dawn brings so much with it, a fresh start, a day filled with countless directions and opportunities. This morning I sat and watched the sun rise through a tori gate and felt abuzz with the excitement of what dawn is to me. It was then that my phone beeped, an email, another opportunity, the chance of something great.


I'm so excited and I'm sorry to keep you guys in the dark for now but hopefully you'll see a big announcement from me sometime in the near future!

(Picture by the awesome Shady)

Kami-sama

I've been asked often about my links to Japan and it's impact on my magic. A full explanation is likely a little complicated for a blog post, so maybe another day. But for today I'll talk about the effect Shinto has had on me. I visited Japan for the first time when I was in my teens and something just clicked. The magic I'd had all my life started to make a little more sense and it was at a Shinto shrine I met my first kitsune.

Prayers and rituals I have observed at shrines since then have played a large part in how I interact with magic and with astral rifts. I call to the astrals in the same way I would implore a powerful kami.

ひふみよ　いむなや　こともちろらね
しきる　ゆゐつわぬ　そをたはくめか
うおゑに　さりへて　のます　あせえほれけ

Prayers of purification are playing an increasing role in what I do. Above is a beginners norito that I hope to memorise over time for rituals that it works well for. You may think it strange or wrong for a westerner to adopt Shinto as a practice but the kami came to me before i even knew what they were. Spirits of that nature do not dwell solely in Japan so why should Shintoism?

Ask Kitsune #9

Q: If my peers find out about my past and who I truly am(was) I am likely to be rejected and cast out of the team that I have come to love. However keeping this information from them feels wrong.  However, I am also keeping my identity secret because if certain parties find out where to find me, I will be hunted down, as I believe will all who know who I am. What should I do?



A: First take a deep breath, center yourself and calm down, you are carrying a huge weight on your shoulders and that can't be easy. Make yourself a tea, or a hot chocolate, or whatever drink of choice helps calm you down (don't drink too much of it if it's alcoholic!), it's time for some introspection. Before you approach your peers you have some questions to ask yourself..

You are not a timelord, you cannot change the past nor can you accurately see the future. What you have is the here and now and that is what is important. You seem unsure over whether what you did in your past is who you were or who you are now. Are you simply hiding your past? Or are you hiding a part of who you are now? The former is hard but the latter - that could lead to a lot of heartbreak, you shouldn't be living a lie.

Look to your peers, your friends. You say you've come to love them, if they feel the same about you then they'll want to know more about you. maybe pick the one or two you are closest to to confide in, pick people you know to be trustworthy, who can share your secret. With each person told you'll lighten the load.

If that's too much to do right away then I'm here for you - send me an email, you can set up a burner account if you want, I don't mind. Tell me a little about your past so I can offer more personal advice away from the public eye. I want to help you. And if you have your reservations then remember that I am oathed to harm none and it sounds like sharing your secret would cause you harm, which is a sad thing to hear.

Take care of yourself Nonny, take some time to know you and to slowly reach out to others, you're not as alone as you may feel right now.

Box art!

I finally have permission from my agent to share this! In the coming weeks this is going to be distributed in Japan! How adorable is this art of me?! I am so excited!

The cereal is pretty good too, I've been drowning in free samples from the Japanese branch of Kellogg's for weeks and trying to decide which worked best to put my name to. These won out because they're not only tasty and sweet someone compared them to teeny versions of my mage light which was just too adorbs not to run with!

Ask Kitsune #8

Q: During a conversation in the bar back in Venezuela I think I may have put my foot in it somewhat, while talking about some of the risks of having powers I may have used the phrase 'normal people' intending to refer to non-costumed crime-fighting individuals, have only just now realised that one of the people at the table who seemed a bit put out by me saying this was of a mutant persuasion, while I never meant any ill-intention I realise I'm worrying my words could have caused offence, am I overthinking things or would it be safer to duct-tape my mouth shut next time?
 
A: That you're worried so much speaks well of your character, you're clearly a good person who doesn't want to cause harm with your words. I'm sure whoever you were sat with either realised this or could with time. have you spoken to them since? Did they seem to have issue with you? Maybe you are worrying a little too much, we all say things we regret sometimes but we all have the power within us to set those mistakes right.

In our society finding the correct phrasing can be hard. We don't want a division that feels like an 'us' and 'them' but sometimes powered individuals need to speak of the plight of the general populace they defend and finding the right words to ensure everyone that those with powers don't think of themselves as superior can be difficult. But we all try. And that's all a person can do try and keep trying, you won't always succeed but we all have each other for support, some may have powers, some may not, we may be of different factions or different planes/planets of birth but we're all people and for the most part we're doing our best to make this world a better place.

Ask Kitsune #7

Q: Did you run into the man claiming to be the Egyptian god Sett? Did he by change....touch you inappropriately? He kept stroking, licking and kissing my face....just want to be reassured that I wasn't the only one as nobody else in the camp got that attention from what I could see (Which wasn't much cos it was dark)
 
A: I did run into Seth/Sett/Aiden a few times during the evening but I wasn't physically touched by him. The only inappropriate touch I received was one to my mind. I was near him when confusion clouded my mind, I couldn't think straight and nothing made sense.

He did attack someone I think of as an older brother of sorts but this is the first I've heard of such.. intimate.. interactions.

I hope that by being honest in how you were treated others will come forward with their experiences to help you make more sense of what happened to you. 

I will also offer one other piece of advice to you and my readers as well should they see 'Sett' again - keep him away from Yllaneth if possible. I don't know what the situation with them is but having witnessed a standoff between them I'm sure I don't want to see them actively attacking one another!

Not feeling super..

Q: All I want is a cure for what I am. I don't want to be a mutant any more, I never did. But every time I tell someone this they look at me like I'm a monster. I just want to be normal, is that so wrong?
 
A: You are not alone. I have to start by saying that. Despite looks you may get sometimes there are others who feel just like you. it's not something that's wrong with you, it's something that's wrong with society. We should be able to accept every individual as they are but people in general aren't very good at that.

We all have our insecurities that are brought on for whatever reason but please, don't hate yourself because of your mutation. You are not your mutation. You are you. I wish i could tell you this in person and I wish I was better at explaining myself. 

You may think that I cannot fully understand, I'm not a mutant after all. But I can empathise more than you might think. I'm a mage and have always had an affinity for magic. I may not have developed veins on my face but I developed odd behaviours that ostracised me. I was different, I am different. It took me time to accept myself. I never wanted a 'cure' myself but knew others who'd rather I was 'normal'.

This may sound clichéd but maybe the cure you need is to feel 'normal' while still having your mutation. Have you considered seeking out others who may understand you? Both the Mutant Rights Organisation and Evolving Thoughts are out there and wanting to help. And, of course, if you want to chat to me more my email address is over on the left there, i can tell you more about my experiences.

Take care of yourself Nonny x

Back to school!

I love learning new things, from other people and from books. Today I shared that love with a group of primary school children. Illiteracy is a growing concern around the world, reading is thought of as 'uncool' and convincing kids otherwise is sometimes an uphill battle.

It's a battle I like to be a part of though. I told the kids about how reading not only helped me understand my powers more (they loved my dancing mage lights!) but kept me entertained on long journeys and informed me of what was going on in the world.

I even showed them the photo above, my 'homework' marked by Lumina (successful owl sticker and all). Learning is as fun as you make it and learning a rune to help heal alongside my mentor was great, life is too serious sometimes.

Kitsune, the agony aunt?

Q: I think I'm developing feelings for my faction's overseer! What should I do?
 
A: Yikes! This wasn't the sort of question I was expecting to receive but I'll do my best to help! 

Having a crush on a coworker is hard, doubly hard when it's your boss. Not only do you risk the possibility of rejection on a personal one but your professional life is on the line. I think the first thing you should do is take a look at your feelings - are they 'developing feelings' or just a bit of a crush? I know it's easy to get overexcited and giddy when you're near someone you like in that way but give it time to see if it maybe is something more.

On that note~ try to be their friend! Get to know them personally, work your way up to the idea of maybe grabbing a coffee to get to know each other. Build up enough trust that you could maybe meet up as your civilian selves one day. After all even if they liked the 'super' you back you have to take into account who both of you are in your day to day lives. Freezebolt and Mr. E may make a fabulous power couple, but what about Dave and Geoff, the guys behind the masks, are they compatible?

I suppose what I'm saying is don't give up hope entirely, but be careful in your approach. There are lots of factors to take into account. If you ever need any more advice Nonny then confide in your friends I'm sure they'll help. If you're not sure you can confide in anyone else then drop me another question or send me an email, I'll be your friend and won't give away the names involved! x

 

Harm None

"If you bring harm to anyone I will take away your gift"

Being a ritualist is understanding the bargains that can be made between Astrals and mages. It's about knowing what you want and what's an appropriate price to pay. I have received many blessings from the kami and tapped several ley lines but something that has always eluded me is the gift of healing.

My inability to cure ailments has disappointed me in the past but in Venezuela not being able to heal actively hurt my spirit. There were people injured in fighting and people staving off illness. People were dying and for all my power I couldn't do a single thing. Until Fen found a rift for me.

It is now within my power to heal but actions have consequences and all gifts have a price. I chose the price I was willing to pay to be able to help people. I will bring harm to none. Some may call this a foolish choice in a 'superhero' but it is fitting of my nature and that of the Astral I dealt with. I will support, bring hope, heal.. I'll try to talk people down. I will do all I can do to be a paragon of the ethos that fighting should be the last resort. This world has enough fighters.

Ask Kitsune #4

Q: Why did you join Alpha and not Omega?
 
A: The simple answer is just one word: Freedom.

My powers are pretty unique. While I hold similarities to other light attuned mages my methods are different. Only I know my abilities best and I will always use them to help as many people as I can. i don't feel I can do that successfully when I have someone who doesn't know my abilities as well as I do telling me the right and wrong time to use them. I could be told to do something but my powers simply wouldn't work if I felt it was wrong.

This last weekend gave me a tragic, but perfect example of why Alpha is for me. The ordered attempt on Lumina's life. I spoke with Brimstone, one of the agents involved in the hit over twitter yesterday~

"I fulfilled orders" a simple term that members of Omega have used in the past to try to alleviate their guilt at an act they didn't feel was right but they were told to do. I couldn't live my life like that. i need to know why I'm doing something, and that reason should be that it's the right thing to do.

Into the Darkness

It was the worst pain I'd ever felt. There are no words to describe it. The sky flashed brightly and there was a scream. And it wasn't just me. It was all the mages, and our familiars. I am glad I was the only one that could hear my familiar at that moment, I am sure they were all crying out in pain just like Fen was..

Through the pain he told me.. Lumina. Where was Lumina? We searched in the darkness and thankfully someone else had found her. I tried to heal her but nothing, no response. The surgeons tried to heal her but found only darkness instead of organs. I tried to use my light magic on her, to chase away some shadows, but I was thrown backwards.

Then between us.. we conjured a scream from Lumina. Heartwrenching in how much pain and suffering it held but holding a spark of hope. Maybe we could save her life.

It was then that Fen whispered to me, told me of a way we could help her. I looked ahead of me and saw Zolitaire's eyes widen at the same time, she too had heard the call. Finally Doktor Science tore off to where we needed to go. We had been fractured before but now we stood as one, we would find a rift and bargain in one voice.

It is not my place to detail bargains others enter into but our ritual ended in a possible solution. I could have cried in gratitude but we still had a lot to do. Lumina was caught in the darkness, trapped in her own mind and we had an item that would allow six people into her dreamscape. Our bodies would be vulnerable though, they would need protection, without our consciousness in them they could be killed easily.

But it was a price we were willing to pay, we would not lose one of our own.

I had my doubts about entering the dreamscape. I cannot harm anyone, what if protecting myself from Lumina's nightmares would damage her mind? Wouldn't I be useless compared to someone more willing to fight? But Doc shook me out of it, he implored me to come, he reasoned that my voice may reach her, I am one of her students and light aligned like she is. In the end we chose our six; the four mages Lumina watched over, Stalwart and Warden. I couldn't have asked for finer people beside me.

We were barred by darkness we had to convince her insecurity and her negativity born of the weapon that slew her to let us through, to trust us. I will not detail more of what happened to us as grand an experience it was. It isn't my story to tell, it was Lumina's mind and I won't divulge something more personal. What I will say is that we almost failed, I could feel it, my life draining away as we struggled to achieve our goal to free her..

We awoke by the rift we'd used to help enter her mind surrounded by utter chaos, but most of the fighting didn't register at all, the only thing I heard was that one deep breath. That inhalation that let us know she was alive. Tears stung the corner of my eyes from the nightmare, the relief and the exertion. All I wanted to do was check on my mentor but I still had work to do to make the area safe. Four had opened the rift so four had to close it.

As the light of the rift faded I reached out for Zolitaire's hand. I grasped it firmly and all the friction of our first ritual together was forgotten as we smiled weakly at each other.

"We did it"

Lumina

In the wake of the shocking loss of our last Head Mage it took a brave soul to step in and take on the job at such short notice. It was Lumina who came with us to Venezuela and while clearly a little unsure to begin with she managed to rally a small but disparate group of mages and get us working together in the space of hours. At first it seemed impossible that the four of us could perform a ritual together but under her guidance we learned a lot about ourselves, our magic and each other.

She quickly became not only a mentor, but a friend to us. We all felt worried when she fell, cut off from magic, on the Saturday afternoon, we all wanted to see her well and smiling again.

I write this post to give a feeling for what Lumina came to mean to us in such a small amount of time to give weight and understanding to my next post - what happened on the Saturday night in Venezuela. It will likely be a difficult thing to write about..