Self Sacrifice

Life is such a delicate and precious thing, it's to be cherished. I have always known this but recent events have made me appreciate this all the more. Just over a week ago the world lost some of it's light. Heroes fell doing what we do; the right thing.

A year ago Alpha's GRU for Venezuela was a small group, we were far outnumbered by the Omega operatives that were there but we did what we could, we banded together. We were a dysfunctional little family out there to do good and hopefully save lives.


Last week two of that small group died and another was arrested. Three out of that group that initial group of sixteen or so people. It hit us all hard and we all dealt with it in different ways. Some of us are still trying to process it.


Marshall and I didn't always see eye to eye on his methods and there was a lot of speculation over him and whether he would use poisons prior to his death. But at the very end he was a hero. He was asked to kill a member of Omega who is working on a project that could make a distinct positive change in the world. He refused knowing that it would put a target on his head. He made a choice, the choice any hero would make. He put his life on the line to protect the innocent and safeguard a better future.


Newton was a staunch defender of those he cared about and kept us all safe, especially in the early days of the GRU. But by putting himself on the front line he knew the risks he took, he was often badly injured but he kept stepping up to the front lines, to keep us safe.


Self Sacrifice. It is a common trait in heroes, those of us that do this to do the right thing, that see this as more than a just a job. We know we put ourselves at risk and that if the time came we may be called upon to make a hard decision with no warning.


I would have given up my life for Hope's if they opportunity had presented itself, she deserved a better future and that she got so many people from different ideological outlooks all working together to help her showed what an inspiring presence she was. The world needs more people like her. I would have done all I could for that extraordinary young woman.


Does this make me suicidal? Does it make all heroes at their core a little suicidal? I don't think so. Just because we accept that our lifestyle may end in injury or death doesn't mean we covet or even want it. Truthfully I do think of a future with a family one day.. though I have postponed that idea a lot given the nature of my work. If things go well then I will continue to protect people and live my own life to its fullest.. but even if my life is cut short I will be glad that it was while helping and protecting others so they could go on living and loving.


Hope and I were similar in a great many ways. In her final moments she chose to give up her life to save everyone from the potential catastrophe of her amazing powers. She was so strong and while she had her dreams for the future she was a hero through and through and she will always live on through us.


Every hero who falls lingers in the lives of those that loved them, fought alongside them and even in the lives they saved.


This is the choice we make, freely. Because the world needs heroes.

Hope

I had to start with Hope. This is going to be very hard for me, I'm not sure if this will be a singular blog post or the start of a few.. I'll be writing from the heart and doing little editing so we'll see how it goes I guess.


"I love your blog!"


These were the first words I heard Hope say when I met her in person at the launch of Project Genesis. She'd already expressed her admiration on twitter before the event and I was quick to greet her with a hug, she looked so nervous!


Not many people know this but I respond in some way to every piece of fan mail I receive personally, I always have. It's getting close to becoming a job in it's own right now and people tell me I should stop but I'll keep doing it as long as I can. I mention this because before 'Hope' was public knowledge there was one young woman I'd receive letters from who'd share with me her dreams for the future, her wish to be a hero like me who brought light into the world. She even told me how she'd love to meet me one day. Her letters genuinely touched me and made me want to be a better hero for people like her.


That young woman got to be everything she wanted to be, and so much more. Hope did her all to idealise the concept she'd been named after and touched a great many lives in a short amount of time. The world is a darker place without her, so many strong heroes have been sideblinded by grief and disbelief at the news of what happened in Switzerland.


But we can't give into that grief, she wouldn't want that. She'd understand our need to mourn, that some of us need time but she wouldn't want us to give up on what makes us heroes. What happened to her was so unfair in so many ways and I often find myself questioning why her.. I even told her in her final moments how scared members of my faction were that I would give up my life for hers and that it showed how well they know me, because in that moment, I would have.


But the magic failed to heal her, the timing of her condition, the inability to get her to a medical bay.. so many factors played against us and I know I'm not the only one letting blame weigh on their shoulders. But I keep putting on a smile. I keep on being the hero she told me she aspired to be.. and I will aspire to be the hero she was until the very end.

I will post again later on her final moments, it doesn't feel right putting that in this post, I think this message should stand on it's own x

What I thought was right

As I write this I'm unsure if I'll post it.


In my last blog post I spoke of my actions regarding Jessica Seneschal. Needless to say she is very annoyed at me for reporting her and increasingly more people are upset with me for being friendly with someone who worked on a mutant cure.


Maybe if I had been more flashy and open, maybe if I'd tackled the problem at hand rather than exposing its root I wouldn't feel as I do now.


I saw someone in pain trying to cure what they thought was the cause of their pain. Their mutation. I wanted to stop it, but surely just arresting her would stop it short term, but if she was determined she would keep thinking on it. I wanted to get her help, therapy, so she would stop it herself, maybe in time encourage other researchers of the error of their ways.


I did what I could.. What I thought was right at the time.


Being involved in such big things is new to me and I'm learning. I took a gamble to try to save and help someone in the hopes of a better long term outcome. Maybe I was wrong, I suppose only time will tell.

The Mutant 'Cure'

Today I found this on my twitter feed and I wanted to write an immediate reply, but 140 characters simply isn't enough to fully express my feelings on the situation.


I've often been criticised for who I talk to and who I choose to befriend. After I arrested Doc Shadow I kept in regular contact with him right up until his demise. Many asked why I was so involved in such a prolific villains life, why I was so cordial with him after all he had orchestrated? Even now I often have people ask me why I'm so close to people like Shady, and now this..


The answer is simple. I'm a hero to help people, all people. Our justice system exists not only to help the victims of crimes feel justice has been served but also to rehabilitate offenders. Some people steal out of desperation, or being misguided, some have roots that run deeper but when a criminal is arrested they don't just disappear, their problems don't just vanish, they (hopefully) begin a journey of healing and change.


Today I visited Jessica Seneschal, a bright woman with a lot to offer the world who has had her confidence in herself torn down by the world. Because of the persecution against mutants she feels as though she's an abomination and in her desperation sought to 'cure' herself of what she saw as an affliction that had darkened her life. It saddens me that when she looks in a mirror she sees that mark on her cheek and feels the need to cover it instead of appreciating all of her more positive attributes.


I first became aware of Jessica in Venezuela, I met her in the Coalition bar, she was scribbling feverishly at some notes and made mumbled comments on her 'affliction'. It pained me to see someone hate themselves so much, especially someone with so much talent that they'd been chosen to go on such a high profile international mission. I wanted to help.


I haven't admitted this publicly until today because I wanted to tell her first, to her face. I was one of the anonymous tips sent to the Mutant Rights Organisation. I am not a mutant myself, nor am I a therapist, I wanted Jessica to get the help of professionals who could understand her plight. I did not report her to drag her research into the light, I merely informed a reliable charitable organisation of an Omega mutant who needed help and support in the hopes they would extend a hand to her and help her see an alternative to her research.


Condemn me if you will for my part in her research becoming public knowledge, or for my visiting someone who would work on such subjects but I know in my heart that I did what I felt was right. I saw someone suffering and sought to get her help and support before things got worse.


Today I had coffee and biscuits with someone with a good sense of humour, a quick wit and a sensitive temperament. I met with Jessica the person, someone who should have more confidence in herself and will hopefully one day turn her brilliant mind to other worthwhile endeavours. I won't force her however, it's through healing, growth and the support of both professionals and friends that she'll find herself. And that is why I visited her.


And Jessica, I am sorry for commenting so publicly on something so personal to you, but I want you, and everyone to know exactly who I am and why I do what I do.

Why Shady?

Q: I have a question. Why Shady? You seem to be spending an awful lot of time with an outlaw.



A: I wasn't sure at first whether I would address this question. It's somewhat embarrassing to talk about a new friendship and defend it. But I have that 'ask me anything' box for a reason so I'll do my best to answer..


I consider myself blessed to have met a lot of interesting and wonderful people while in Venezuela, I count Shady among those people. I first interacted with him when I saw him sneaking a little rubber duck onto our mechanics' worktable. I admit I was suspicious at first, I picked it up, smiled at spotting the Alpha symbol on the ducky's chest and went to ask Shady about it.


The conversation was light, playful and warm. We addressed why he leaves ducks in his wake but also spoke as people and I started to get a measure of him. Most importantly he made me smile.


If you want to see light in the world then be that light. Bring it to others and they in turn will learn to light the darkness.


I try my best to be a beacon of light and hope to those that need it most. But those who gift light so freely sometimes feel themselves drained. If you're always cheering others up you sometimes find yourself taking away their sadness and onto yourself. Everyone needs to recharge sometimes and heroes are no exception.


When it comes to me I sometimes need silliness and fun, anything that help keep my smile in place so I can keep bringing it to those in need. Shady makes me smile, a lot. He's a friend I am glad I've made.


As for spending time with an outlaw - we all have friends who may have made poor decisions in the past. It's our role as good friends to help them, either by addressing those issues over time or if they are not severe setting them aside and looking forward to a better future.


I hope that's a good enough answer for you Nonny!

A New Dawn

A beautiful new dawn brings so much with it, a fresh start, a day filled with countless directions and opportunities. This morning I sat and watched the sun rise through a tori gate and felt abuzz with the excitement of what dawn is to me. It was then that my phone beeped, an email, another opportunity, the chance of something great.


I'm so excited and I'm sorry to keep you guys in the dark for now but hopefully you'll see a big announcement from me sometime in the near future!

(Picture by the awesome Shady)

Kami-sama

I've been asked often about my links to Japan and it's impact on my magic. A full explanation is likely a little complicated for a blog post, so maybe another day. But for today I'll talk about the effect Shinto has had on me. I visited Japan for the first time when I was in my teens and something just clicked. The magic I'd had all my life started to make a little more sense and it was at a Shinto shrine I met my first kitsune.

Prayers and rituals I have observed at shrines since then have played a large part in how I interact with magic and with astral rifts. I call to the astrals in the same way I would implore a powerful kami.

ひふみよ　いむなや　こともちろらね
しきる　ゆゐつわぬ　そをたはくめか
うおゑに　さりへて　のます　あせえほれけ

Prayers of purification are playing an increasing role in what I do. Above is a beginners norito that I hope to memorise over time for rituals that it works well for. You may think it strange or wrong for a westerner to adopt Shinto as a practice but the kami came to me before i even knew what they were. Spirits of that nature do not dwell solely in Japan so why should Shintoism?